I was lucky, I fell pregnant on my honeymoon on our first attempt. When I found out I was pregnant I was in such shock – really? That worked? That quick? ..Wow…Am I ready? Brilliant! Surely not? Dah!
It took me a long time to get my head around what was happening, and a long time to accept the changes my body would under go throughout this incredible journey. I was in the shape of my life when I fell pregnant having just got married, and I don’t think I was ready to say goodbye to my beautifully sculpted abs and perk arse which I had trained so hard for. As shallow as that sounds, it’s true. When I noticed myself getting bigger I accepted that this was entirely out of my control. I love control, I love a plan, I love an itinerary, and I love having all my shit in order. And it was time to loose control and say goodbye. My baby was growing, and I am playing host.
I never allowed myself to get excited until I came out of that 12 week scan. The closer it got the more accepting I became. I wanted to be able to stop lying to my friends and stop making up elaborate stories as to why I was not drinking, ‘oh, I have a bladder infection’, ‘nah i am good – I was out last night with work and feeling it today’..I knew people could sniff out my lies. The looks I would get and some even asked me out right ‘your pregnant aren’t you!?’ I always thought I could have been an actress and now I believe it more than ever. Watch this space..Eastenders here I come! In the end I just had to tell the majority of my closest friends, my acting clearly wasn’t good enough for them… maybe my husband is right and I am deluded with my acting skills.
I have always been quite a strong person, I never really ask for help from anyone and I like to act tough most of the time – some would call it stubborn but I never like showing weakness or vulnerability. Another thing I experienced when being pregnant was feeling like I needed my husband more than ever. I am not sure if it was instinct – but I felt like I wanted more protection and love. I felt bound to him, especially as we walked into the hospital and got to see our baby on the screen at 12 weeks. It’s cliche but I just looked at the screen and let a tear fall. Holding onto my husband’s hand we just could not stop smiling. That is our baby and it is right in there! Wow! It is a miracle, a gift from mother nature and we are truly blessed. Half of you and half of me, I allowed excitement to take over when we got that green light at 12 weeks and couldn’t wait to tell the world.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I was also a nasty bitch to him a good few times as my hormones were just going awol.
The first 8 weeks, the only real symptoms I experienced were the most sensitive breasts ever known to man, and feeling bloated constantly – like you would be if you were just about to come on your period. I felt everyone was looking at me and thinking ‘cor, she has started to let herself go now she is married’. My breasts were so so sore, like someone was slicing them off whenever they were being touched. Excruciating! Then from weeks 8 until about 14…blow me down…the tiredness and the nausea hit me like a steam train. All I wanted to eat was carbohydrates..cheese, and more carbs…with a side of sugar whenever possible. And although I tried to be good I allowed myself to indulge, I couldn’t stomach anything else most of the time. A crisp green juicy salad which I once would salivate over made me feel physically sick – who am I? I didn’t recognise myself. And one of the nicest things about it is that I had no guilt!
I was in my normal jeans until around week 14/15 until I had to switch to the maternity options. When I put them on for the first time I was off out shopping with my friend and she was about 8 months pregnant at the time. She popped in to pick me up and just asked, ‘are you okay?’ Yep, I cried. I cried because my hormones were all over the place and I just felt like it. I cried as I said goodbye to my high waisted jeans. There is no other explanation to it, I was just going to miss them. And these horrible elastic jeans did not feel sexy and there is nothing I could do about it.
I tried my best to keep up my usual exercise routine, the doctor said it was fine if you had been doing it before pregnancy. I did my best, and a lot if the time it would shake of the nausea, although after my 12 week scan when I allowed it to become a reality something inside of my changed. I had seen him with my eyes and I knew he was there and I slowed things down and adapted to what I felt my body should be doing. Less jumping around in particular and keeping my heart rate lower. Plus, I am so competitive I’d rather give it a miss than not give it 100% in a gym class and I didn’t like seeing others working harder than me at first!
I heard that the second trimester is the best, and I was looking forward to entering that stage. Loosing the sickness, hormones balancing out and getting my regular appetite back I would try to fully embrace the next stage!